#spicypants recap :) from memelaroo on Vimeo.
A video. In which I talk about a tweetup, Phil makes an appearance and I wave at the camera way too many times.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
an easy way to give, support the big man. go to your local starbucks, buy a drink. heck, go batshit crazy and buy an oatmeal! a scone! omg! get two drinks in one day. and while you are there? direct donate to help the nation of haiti. they are in need of help. it's time to think outside of the box. it's time to put ourselves in the shoes of the ones who need.
okay, so damn the man! you just want to give without feeding a mighty corporation. fine, douche. give to the red cross directly.
you want to mull over your choices and ways to give? alright. here is a great resource to do just that.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Another freaking blog... :P
http://cupcakebetch.blogspot.com
Where I will be rambling on and on about cupcakes and sugar-highs.
Where I will be rambling on and on about cupcakes and sugar-highs.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
An open letter to BioMom and BioFam
Always around my birthday I tend to get a bit more emotional than usual. The reason? I'm adopted. So I'm left thinking about my biological mother around this time and I reflect on my two pregnancies, and wonder what she's thinking.
I've never been angry about the choice her and my father made. It's a tough one and I even struggled with making the same choice with my son when I got knocked up at 14. I know deep down they made the right choice. They were unable to care for me. I was very unexpected and they were young. She had just had another kid right before me and they were struggling to get by. My BioMom was not working, and my BioDad was working a night shift at a local radio station in Texas and from what I was told, not bring home much money. All my life I've tried to not be a burden to anyone - and I would have hated to be another....not burden. I just would have never wanted to add to the struggle they were already in. I've lived a similar struggle and would never wish that upon anyone else.
I've come to terms with being adopted. I think I did so at a very young age. My family (or at least my Mom) was very open with the fact I was adopted as far back as I can remember. To be honest I do feel very blessed to have been placed with such a wonderful family. This was my path and I love my family and the people that I know because of the fact I ended up where I am. I have two wonderful children, a very supportive Dad and family and of course, my darling P. I've learned life lessons in this life (thus far) that I was put into.
As I got older though, it was made clear that they wanted no contact from me at all and I respect that. I went to the lawyer that handled my adoption in my late teens to see if I could find them if I wanted and honestly, I don't think I would be able to in the end. What would I say really?
Emotionally though, it's rough. I worry and wonder if she ever feels bad. In my heart I just want the chance to say, it's fine. I understand, respect and thank you with all my heart for making that choice for me. I want her to know I've never been angry with the choice. It's never hurt me in any shape or form. In the end she may harbor no guilt and not think of me at all. But as a Mom myself, it's hard to think that.
The whole beauty of being a ladyface and having a baby inside your womb is this unbreakable bond that you can grow with a child while you are pregnant. You get to know this little creature inside you and for most of us we get to live life with that little being for eternity. I couldn't even begin to imagine having a baby living with me for 9 months and then not taking care of it. Or at least knowing that it's ok.
To be honest - I know my thoughts are of the best... thinking that she's out there somewhere thinking about me. Wondering how I turned out. Thinking.... does she look like me? Does she look like my other kids? What is she doing? Those are the questions I'd love to answer for my BioFam. Of course a health history wouldn't hurt in my current medical condition either. On the flip side I'm also willing to put a hold onto the fact that she just might not give a frak at all. Don't worry, I think of both sides of the coin.
So to BioMom. Thank you. You gave me the gift of life and the gift of a life with my family that I wouldn't trade for a million dollars. I wonder if the twinge in my heart I get every once in awhile is you thinking about me. When I go to Texas I think of you and wonder if the woman I'm passing in the street is you. I want you to never feel bad or like you made a mistake about the choice you made. You and I won't ever meet in reality, but know that I carry you in my heart and have the respect and love for you like I would my adoptive family. Thank you for putting my wonderful Father into my life - he is my ultimate gift that keeps giving. Thank you for putting me here. I'm fine, and I hope you are as well. Your Baby M as I was called in the hospital, and while I was in foster care waiting to be placed with my family is fine. Because of you I am the person I am today - and for that I'm eternally grateful.
I've never been angry about the choice her and my father made. It's a tough one and I even struggled with making the same choice with my son when I got knocked up at 14. I know deep down they made the right choice. They were unable to care for me. I was very unexpected and they were young. She had just had another kid right before me and they were struggling to get by. My BioMom was not working, and my BioDad was working a night shift at a local radio station in Texas and from what I was told, not bring home much money. All my life I've tried to not be a burden to anyone - and I would have hated to be another....not burden. I just would have never wanted to add to the struggle they were already in. I've lived a similar struggle and would never wish that upon anyone else.
I've come to terms with being adopted. I think I did so at a very young age. My family (or at least my Mom) was very open with the fact I was adopted as far back as I can remember. To be honest I do feel very blessed to have been placed with such a wonderful family. This was my path and I love my family and the people that I know because of the fact I ended up where I am. I have two wonderful children, a very supportive Dad and family and of course, my darling P. I've learned life lessons in this life (thus far) that I was put into.
As I got older though, it was made clear that they wanted no contact from me at all and I respect that. I went to the lawyer that handled my adoption in my late teens to see if I could find them if I wanted and honestly, I don't think I would be able to in the end. What would I say really?
Emotionally though, it's rough. I worry and wonder if she ever feels bad. In my heart I just want the chance to say, it's fine. I understand, respect and thank you with all my heart for making that choice for me. I want her to know I've never been angry with the choice. It's never hurt me in any shape or form. In the end she may harbor no guilt and not think of me at all. But as a Mom myself, it's hard to think that.
The whole beauty of being a ladyface and having a baby inside your womb is this unbreakable bond that you can grow with a child while you are pregnant. You get to know this little creature inside you and for most of us we get to live life with that little being for eternity. I couldn't even begin to imagine having a baby living with me for 9 months and then not taking care of it. Or at least knowing that it's ok.
To be honest - I know my thoughts are of the best... thinking that she's out there somewhere thinking about me. Wondering how I turned out. Thinking.... does she look like me? Does she look like my other kids? What is she doing? Those are the questions I'd love to answer for my BioFam. Of course a health history wouldn't hurt in my current medical condition either. On the flip side I'm also willing to put a hold onto the fact that she just might not give a frak at all. Don't worry, I think of both sides of the coin.
So to BioMom. Thank you. You gave me the gift of life and the gift of a life with my family that I wouldn't trade for a million dollars. I wonder if the twinge in my heart I get every once in awhile is you thinking about me. When I go to Texas I think of you and wonder if the woman I'm passing in the street is you. I want you to never feel bad or like you made a mistake about the choice you made. You and I won't ever meet in reality, but know that I carry you in my heart and have the respect and love for you like I would my adoptive family. Thank you for putting my wonderful Father into my life - he is my ultimate gift that keeps giving. Thank you for putting me here. I'm fine, and I hope you are as well. Your Baby M as I was called in the hospital, and while I was in foster care waiting to be placed with my family is fine. Because of you I am the person I am today - and for that I'm eternally grateful.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I'm the youngest of three. Two WAY older brothers. My parents adopted me when I was six months old. I, am an a-typical baby of the family. I think it drives my "brothers-two" crazy. But. Eff that.
My mom passed away when I was 11. So from that point in it was my Dad and I. I remember trying to make him a roast a few days after Mom had died, and it tasted like ass I'm sure, but he ate it anyways.
He took such good care of me. When you are a girl in your hormonal years it's hard to not have a mom around. and. stopping capping stuff. too tired. anyhow. he took such good care of me, learned how to cook, dealt with my 12 year old depression and wrote me notes so i didnt have to go to normal school, i just hung in the library because i was so confused as to why my mom had to leave us. from that point on i grew into a teenager who made bad choices. i was naughty, im not going to lie. i did drugs. had sex. got knocked up, at the age of 14.
he had my back.... the second that he found out his first grandchild was going to be a boy...aka, michael. he stepped in and took care of us. he never made me feel bad and him and i, two peas in a pod. he helped me with michael so much and tried his best to teach me how to be a mom. it helped i had a friend with a mom. who kinda helped me figure out the whole mom thing. it was hard.
but i wont kid, it was hard to not have a mom.
lets skip a few years. more bad meme stuff. he stood by my side. even when i moved out to live with someone that he didnt approve of. when i lived up in marysville we talked every night. but. we hardly saw each other for 7 years. but, when i needed help he always did.
he's had many medical problems over the last 10 years. strokes, heart attacks, multiple surgeries to repair internal bleeding, had part of his intestines taken out twice. which didnt help much. each time, i was in there like a first born. making sure doctors were making the right choice.
he continued to live his retirement life. cruises, trips to amazing places. he lived his life. ive been so happy for him that he's been able to do that.
so here we are. in the present. he is ill, in another country. this is where my manic self can come in. everything going on is not under my control. i want to be there helping. i want to fix this. in short, i dont want him to die. i want to talk to the doctors, i want to tell them what to do.
now i know that this will happen eventually. he's gonna pass away someday. but. in my mind, im crazy enough to think he'll live forevers.
in the last week, i've come to terms with a lot. but. the thought of not having my best friend aka father in my life has been killing me. i do what i can from here. make calls and have friends make calls to help me.
in short, dad, i adore you. please never die. your daughter will loose her shit if you do. dont worry, im researching how to turn you into a robot so we dont have to deal with this anymore. in the meantime, hang in there. i love you. you have my heart.
My mom passed away when I was 11. So from that point in it was my Dad and I. I remember trying to make him a roast a few days after Mom had died, and it tasted like ass I'm sure, but he ate it anyways.
He took such good care of me. When you are a girl in your hormonal years it's hard to not have a mom around. and. stopping capping stuff. too tired. anyhow. he took such good care of me, learned how to cook, dealt with my 12 year old depression and wrote me notes so i didnt have to go to normal school, i just hung in the library because i was so confused as to why my mom had to leave us. from that point on i grew into a teenager who made bad choices. i was naughty, im not going to lie. i did drugs. had sex. got knocked up, at the age of 14.
he had my back.... the second that he found out his first grandchild was going to be a boy...aka, michael. he stepped in and took care of us. he never made me feel bad and him and i, two peas in a pod. he helped me with michael so much and tried his best to teach me how to be a mom. it helped i had a friend with a mom. who kinda helped me figure out the whole mom thing. it was hard.
but i wont kid, it was hard to not have a mom.
lets skip a few years. more bad meme stuff. he stood by my side. even when i moved out to live with someone that he didnt approve of. when i lived up in marysville we talked every night. but. we hardly saw each other for 7 years. but, when i needed help he always did.
he's had many medical problems over the last 10 years. strokes, heart attacks, multiple surgeries to repair internal bleeding, had part of his intestines taken out twice. which didnt help much. each time, i was in there like a first born. making sure doctors were making the right choice.
he continued to live his retirement life. cruises, trips to amazing places. he lived his life. ive been so happy for him that he's been able to do that.
so here we are. in the present. he is ill, in another country. this is where my manic self can come in. everything going on is not under my control. i want to be there helping. i want to fix this. in short, i dont want him to die. i want to talk to the doctors, i want to tell them what to do.
now i know that this will happen eventually. he's gonna pass away someday. but. in my mind, im crazy enough to think he'll live forevers.
in the last week, i've come to terms with a lot. but. the thought of not having my best friend aka father in my life has been killing me. i do what i can from here. make calls and have friends make calls to help me.
in short, dad, i adore you. please never die. your daughter will loose her shit if you do. dont worry, im researching how to turn you into a robot so we dont have to deal with this anymore. in the meantime, hang in there. i love you. you have my heart.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
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